Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday


1. How are hurricane's names selected?

a. Named after Congressmen who are full of hot air
b. Names of spouses are submitted by divorced people
c. Page 824 in Miami's phone book
d. Hurricanes don't care what you call them

2. What do they call the most severe hurricane?

a. Category 5
b. Red Alert
c. Costly

3. If a hurricane Guido, with wind speeds of 104 MPH leaves the Northwest
African coast on Wednesday at 7:04 AM and is traveling West at 16 MPH and
hurricane Isabel, with wind speeds of 93 MPH leaves Key West at 24 MPH on
Thursday at 11:32 AM; when would they meet?

a. Tuesday at 3:18 PM, but their luggage would be in Paris
b. Never, Isabel doesn't want to have anything to do with a blowhard
like Guido
c. Never, Guido said that there's no place for Isabel to stop and ask
directions; she'll probably end up in Rio
d. Trick question - hurricanes don't depart from Key West

4. You're flying in a small, single engine plane. You look up and see a
hurricane directly ahead. What's the first thing that enters your mind?

a. It's got the right of way! It's got the right of way!
b. This is the last time I fly no-frills
c. I can't believe she's going to get EVERYTHING now!
d. I gotta change my shorts!
e. The windshield

5. A hurricane is dangerous if...

a. you get in it's way
b. it's had a REALLY bad day
c. you try to stop it to ask directions
d. you do not yield right of way

6. How do forecasters know a hurricane is coming?
a. Hurricanes ALWAYS leave a forwarding address
b. They have REALLY good binoculars
c. Hurricanes LOVE the beach
d. They send out a bunch of small boats and plot the sinkings

7. How can you protect your house in the event of a hurricane?

a. Sell it - QUICK
b. Bury it and dig it up later
c. Cover it with leaves and pretend it's a big bush
d. Two words -- Duct tape

8. What is the first thing you should do if a hurricane is confirmed to
be heading in your direction?

a. Check your supplies for the big hurricane party
b. Air drop a roadmap, of another area, into the eye
c. Put out all your trash for immediate air disposal
d. Begin drawing plans for the new house you will soon be building

9. What should you NOT do if a hurricane is coming?

a. Begin those remodeling plans you've been putting off
b. Put the cat or dog out (unless on a LONG leash)
c. Cancel your homeowner's insurance
d. Go on a picnic, to the beach

10. When is it a good time to evacuate your home?

a. When the water level reaches the roof
b. When your in-ground swimming pool becomes airborne
c. Shortly after your roof is declared a UFO
d. When people ask how you constructed a home without outer walls

11. Where should you evacuate?

a. A nearby lowland to wait out the floods
b. A tall location, like on top of a radio tower or one of Florida's
many mountain tops
c. Anywhere that has a happy hour and free munchies
d. Out to sea on a small craft

12. Why should you NOT stay close to the beach?

a. All the best spots are probably taken
b. Track in too much sand
c. Cooler keeps blownin' away
d. Hard to stay put under the 50' waves

13. If the eye of the hurricane passes overhead, you should not...

a. stare; it's impolite
b. make direct eye contact
c. offer it some Visine
d. ask if it's seen Dorthy and Toto

14. What happens after the eye passes?

a. Stay very still; maybe it didn't see you
b. It can't see you any more
c. You can expect a large nose, followed by the mouth, etc.
d. It winks and waves good-bye

15. What should you do first after a hurricane passes?

a. Locate your computer
b. Determine if your computer is operational
c. Contact your insurance agent about replacing your computer
d. See if your spouse, kids and pets are around; get back to your

16. Who should you turn to if you need help after a hurricane?

a. Local government (also blown away)
b. State government (can't afford to help)
c. Federal government (doesn't care)
d. Foreign governments (the Japanese are looking for investments)

17. What services should you expect to be without, after a hurricane?

a. Electricity (no cold beer)
b. Telephone (no modem)
c. Your computer!! (Eeeeeaaaaahhh!)
d. Callgirls (prey the rebuilding begins soon)

18. What happens a year after you're hit by a hurricane?

a. Still looking for pieces of your house
b. Still looking for pieces of your computer
c. Still looking for pieces of yourself
d. The government sees you've started rebuilding; concludes you need no emergency help


Mrs. Who said...

LOL! (And probably the only time I laugh at hurricanes!)

Bobby said...

I am still looking for my virginity..

I swear it went with the hurricane or was it because of nothing to do because of no power.....